PAIN

I have been experiencing emotional pain lately. It's been all over me like a cheap suit as they say. And hard to shake even though I know I am causing it. Torturing myself! Why? And trying to accept it and stop it all at once.

Quite a juggling act! And it is easing as I bring my errant thoughts under control. As I come to accept the "what is," the pain lessens. And this acceptance has come slowly. Sometimes it comes more quickly and not this time. And slowly, surely it comes! In the hospital a few months back (as a patient), the acceptance was easier – curious. I was easily able to know – "It is my father's good pleasure to give me the kingdom and this is what it looks like today."

They say write about what you know. And in this arena I am surely an expert! This original poem chronicles my healing.

 My Pain

It's an inside job
I have found the enemy
And it is me
The stories in my head are making me hurt

Seems this knowledge would be enough
To dispel my inner demons
In practice however
It doesn't do the deal

It's not in me It's her fault
The one who did me wrong
She's the cause
If she would only straighten up and do me right

So what to do
Fighting Fighting Fighting
The more I fight
The more I hurt
Every blow landing on my heart

The masters say
There is no out there out there
See the other as yourself
No wonder each blow takes me down

So love must be the answer
How to love what I don't like
Must suspend ego's judgements
He doesn't know right from wrong

As the witness
I am a blank slate
The world can write anything
There is no pain

Just like the blackboard
I have no choice
Being marked is why I came
In my function I know only joy

So I am happy
What is is my way
Acceptance then the holy key
The pain a fleeting memory.